Still alive

Hello Hello,

As you might have guessed uni has sucked the life out of me again.

Things have been crazy since the very first day, and I very much doubt that things will calm down until Christmas break. I'm just taking one day at a time and trying hard not to get overwhelmed by everything these days. Everything feels uncertain at this stage and there's a lot of pressure knowing that this is the final year, but luckily I have the mental ability to block unnecessary things off in my mind..

I'm still trying hard to be on top of things, but it's a slow learning curve for me.

 One thing that has improved though, is that I'm valuing my well being more this year so that means no all nighters unless desperately necessary (I've only pulled one as of yet), and less time at work so I have more time to spread out my uni work and have some time for my own sanity. I'm still keeping my job because it's the one day that I am really forced to not think about my course work so I am really taking a productive break, and it also helps me keep in check with life outside of the architecture bubble. Yes it's sad that I have to resort to justifying this, but it really is impossible to not think about the course 24/7.. even in my sleep my ideas develop lucidly-- yes we are sad like that. :( Hence why it's nice to have a change of environment interacting with unknown people whose lives are not corrupted by architecture!

I'm learning to listen to my mind more now that if my eyes refuse to stay open then I should just call it a night and go to sleep, rather than forcing myself to stay awake and do nothing anyway because I'm too busy trying not to pass out on my keyboard. I've come to the point now where I have to acknowledge that age is just catching up and this body just cannot handle sleep deprivation the way it used to at 18.

I guess I'm also learning to just throw myself in the deep end without hesitation this year.

 Previously I would avoid doing drawings like the plague if they overwhelmed me, but this year 

even if I have a little bit of fear I'm going to just throw everything out there with the expectation to fail anyway. I know, it's not exactly the greatest motto in life, but at least if I cared less about what criticism I would get at the end then I think I'll be more adventurous and experimental, and less scared about this imperfect outcome that I will produce..The aim is to f*ck not fret about it and just do it. :)

Hopefully, these little resolutions are going to help me get through the year with a positive outlook!