Un(lucky)?

It's disturbingly funny that I decided to title my previous entry 'Lucky',

as it now looks as though it was a foresight to the incident that was to happen a few hours later.

I am writing this while listening to the satisfying sound of my coat being mauled by the washing machine.

My housemate's theory is that birds do in fact have a phobia with heights and while soaring,

they tend to look down, freak out and quite literally "shit themselves"

Why is it considered lucky for a bird to poop on you?

Is it because it has something to do with the odds of it happening by random chance?

I went to Sainsburys for my dose of food+retail therapy (yes I'm sad like that), 

and right when I stepped through the entrance, for some reason I made a decision to detour to the cash point. There were three of us in queue, and with sunset looming I was completely unaware that birds were doing their crazy swooping patterns before returning to wherever they come from. 

Right at the moment of inserting my card, I felt a fat splat on my shoulder. 

I nonchalantly glanced back thinking a water droplet had fallen from somewhere, only to realise that the splat was moss green and those bloody pigeons were cackling (do pigeons cackle?!) with laughter above me. 

I had been shat on by a pigeon. 

The guy behind me was trying very hard (but failing) to hide his smirk.

I managed to smile, hold on to my dignity and got my cash out before tearing off my coat. 

With my mood completely changed, I got out of there quick enough with my groceries and a packet of industrial wipes to get rid of the offence in the loo. I felt seriously sick wiping off the green muck. Then I started feeling sorry for myself and progressed to delirious thoughts: 


I don't think I can eat dinner tonight. What if I have it on my hair but I can't see it? WHAT IF THE PIGEON HAS AIDS?!?! Where can I burn this coat?! 

Thank goodness common sense kicked in after that:


How can I, the person who watches shows about hairy anuses and hemorrhoids (Embarassing Bodies) while having dinner, be nauseated by two little splats of poo on my coat?

What are the odds that I decided to detour to the cash point, and was in between a lady and Mr Smirk, and right at the time that I stepped towards the cash machine, the pigeon decided to fire its missile? Had I been a minute late, or even at the other cash point, would the same thing had happened to someone else?

Well, with my coat all clean and my hair air-drying for the second time today (I got paranoid and decided to rid myself of all potential bird diseases by drowning in the shower), I feel much happier and less crazy now. Perhaps it's true after all, if you're 'lucky' enough to be at the exact place and moment for bird poo to land on you among others, maybe there is that chance that luck will strike you and only you.

On the brighter side of things...

Considering that they only digest 40% of what they eat,
I'm eternally thankful that elephants don't fly.