Cv

Dear someone, anyone,

I possess the following skills:

1. I can operate a coffee machine and am capable of make good coffee.

2.I am also quick on my feet and I am able to do swift food runs if you need me to

3. I never leave the house without a proper head-to-toe hygiene routine and in addition to that never walk out the door without a spray of perfume that will not violently trigger your gag reflex so you will never have to worry about a smelly office

4. In regards to no. 3, I am highly aware of office etiquette, and will never in my life let gas go from number 1 or number 2 in the vicinity.

5. I am good at making up crap. So you can use me anytime as a shield to deal with difficult clients.

6. I am also proficient at holding my tongue when you are lashing out and mashing me up for your bad day. I might gossip behind your back, but you don't have to know this. 

7. Oh yes, I can also design and draw so long as you double,triple,quadraple check my work with an engineer who has patience to ensure that you do not get multiple court charges from clients whose buildings fail and collapse miserably upon laying the final finish.

Kindly hire me.

Please and thank you.

Kind regards,

Ms. Desperado