Babbles

I always thought I could get away with having an iron heart all my life 

but this week has proven me wrong. 

I refused to cry when I left home for the first time for college at 17, 

even though my tears threatened to fall in the plane watching my beloved hometown disappear into the clouds. I refused to cry leaving my dad at KLIA to board that first flight to England on the 26th of September in 2008, even though it broke my heart to see him so sad, and till this day I remember vividly the sadness that I had waved goodbye to on the escalator down to the boarding gate.

Maybe my fat ego compensates for the weight that I am supposed to have on me because I never usually allow myself to give in to sadness. 

But yesterday I discovered how truly fragile I actually was letting go of someone I feel like I have known all my life in such a short period of time. All that pride and ego that I have made into a dam for my tears just went and for once, 

life has actually made me truly human. 

There is so much emptiness around me but I know this is just life's kind compensation of insulating me against the real magnitude of pain that will hit me when the feeling starts to wear off.