Lost in Paris

I wonder if anyone still pops by here every now and then considering the abandoned state that this blog has been in for a very long time...I have had so many intentions to write about the things that have been going on... if only I had more hours in a day! 

Despite being backlogged for quite some time now I'm going to start with my trip to Paris last September. Maybe those of you who have set foot in Paris will sigh and expect to find in this post pictures of the Eiffel Tower and a melancholic post about how beautiful French conversations sound to the ears... Albeit those were without a doubt special to me too, the trip meant most to me because it was a spontaneous decision to venture out on my own out of my comfort zone into a country where I can barely pronounce words without being as awkward as can be. 

The only phrases I equipped myself with were:

Cest mon premier fois ici

It's my first time here

Ou les toilettes?

Where are the toilets?

Je Sui Desole, mon francais et tres mauvais

I am sorry my French is terrible!

Je Voudrai un...

I would like a... 

and one or two more that I've forgotten, mostly to prepare myself in any case that I needed help.

In Paris I came across the so called 'rude' Parisians-- mostly agitated and rushed in the metro, but I also came across wonderful people, one being a jolly old man who approached me after I kept going back and forth the same street and stared at a street map for a good 5-10 minutes (because I have no sense of direction, of course!). He tried his best to explain to me in French the directions to the Luxembourg Palace, pointing animatedly while I pretended to understand. I stayed with two sisters whom I found off Airbnb in a lovely Parisian flat that had my dream windows opening out into a little balcony overlooking the street. They were more than accommodating, telling me the best view point for the Eiffel tower, talking animatedly about my day when I got back...

My journey was not all a bed of roses as I also ran into a group of gypsies who cunningly and swiftly robbed me off 20euros in front of Notre Dame. They are, unfortunately everywhere in Paris... if anyone approaches you with the question "speak English?" please pretend you don't! Just remember that Parisians are proud of their language and will always speak in French first, so anyone attempting to attract your attention in English is probably not doing so with good intentions!

 I do find it amusing now that I went to the nearest policeman and asked if he spoke English? He said no, so I proceeded to type out my misfortune on Google Translate, (thank God for smart phones) to which he read and enthusiastically told me (in French of course) "Yes yes be careful with your monies! They are Roma gypsies and they are everywhere!".. I guess he won't be helping me then! That evening while admiring the Eiffel tower I was also approached by someone too keen to take the city of romance too seriously... an odd day that was.

On one of the days, twenty minutes after setting out into one of the arrondissements I gave up and put away my map.. again I cannot stress enough how terrible I am in directions. But after that, my journey became an adventure as I walked and walked and walked, totally consumed by my surroundings as I had no clue where I was heading to, but it was pure enjoyment to have everything just pop out into a surprise, new streets, new sightings. I noticed that French women tend to go au naturale with make up, definitely a note to travellers (mostly female and well, to the male ones if this is your kinda thing) to relieve themselves off taking hoards of make up with them, and my favourite street was probably St Germain where lots of food was happening! Did anyone say macaroons? 

Honestly, coming face to face with Mona Lisa I couldn't help but feel a tad bit ripped off--

she is smaller than the store-bought painting that hangs above my fireplace.

I was expecting something extravagant! And to think people were shoving and pushing like animals to take a good shot of her (my crooked picture is a result of not being bothered to push for a frontal view).. Just goes to show how movies and books hype up our expectations a little too much at times! (Dan Brown you are to blame!)

Given the time I would do it again, just run away to a foreign surrounding for even just a couple of days, let myself be lost and be in awe of everything only to come back and appreciate my bed and my home a little bit more.Sometimes it's good to just disrupt your cyclical routine to give yourself a bit of fresh air... 

Fatigue

Constantly tired regardless of what I do or do not do.

Could it be.. 

Age? The weather? Stress?

At this point in my life I thought I would be full of energy ready to take on life.

But no, I choose the comfort of my bed instead.

Still alive

Hello Hello,

As you might have guessed uni has sucked the life out of me again.

Things have been crazy since the very first day, and I very much doubt that things will calm down until Christmas break. I'm just taking one day at a time and trying hard not to get overwhelmed by everything these days. Everything feels uncertain at this stage and there's a lot of pressure knowing that this is the final year, but luckily I have the mental ability to block unnecessary things off in my mind..

I'm still trying hard to be on top of things, but it's a slow learning curve for me.

 One thing that has improved though, is that I'm valuing my well being more this year so that means no all nighters unless desperately necessary (I've only pulled one as of yet), and less time at work so I have more time to spread out my uni work and have some time for my own sanity. I'm still keeping my job because it's the one day that I am really forced to not think about my course work so I am really taking a productive break, and it also helps me keep in check with life outside of the architecture bubble. Yes it's sad that I have to resort to justifying this, but it really is impossible to not think about the course 24/7.. even in my sleep my ideas develop lucidly-- yes we are sad like that. :( Hence why it's nice to have a change of environment interacting with unknown people whose lives are not corrupted by architecture!

I'm learning to listen to my mind more now that if my eyes refuse to stay open then I should just call it a night and go to sleep, rather than forcing myself to stay awake and do nothing anyway because I'm too busy trying not to pass out on my keyboard. I've come to the point now where I have to acknowledge that age is just catching up and this body just cannot handle sleep deprivation the way it used to at 18.

I guess I'm also learning to just throw myself in the deep end without hesitation this year.

 Previously I would avoid doing drawings like the plague if they overwhelmed me, but this year 

even if I have a little bit of fear I'm going to just throw everything out there with the expectation to fail anyway. I know, it's not exactly the greatest motto in life, but at least if I cared less about what criticism I would get at the end then I think I'll be more adventurous and experimental, and less scared about this imperfect outcome that I will produce..The aim is to f*ck not fret about it and just do it. :)

Hopefully, these little resolutions are going to help me get through the year with a positive outlook! 

whims of a server

Having waitressed for a few years now in the UK,

I always think that I've managed to get to grips with the usual and general demands of the fussy public.

No ice/ no lemon in my drink. 

OK.

No tomato/lettuce/onion/ or anything green-looking in my plate.

  Sure.

Make sure my steak is cremated/moo-ing on the plate. 

Got it.

Can I have a skinny latte?

Sorry we only have full cream milk.

Every now and then though, someone will come and throw me off guard with particular requests:

Can I have a mint chocolate milkshake, but with no mint?

Um... we use mint ice cream as it is...mint chocolate milkshake.

Can I have an ice tea, with no ice?

Can I have an ATM (avocado, tomato, mozzarella) burger, with no avocado?

Most recent of all..

Is your cheesecake vegetarian?

Sorry, wha-? Um (confused) I would think it is! There's only the usual milk, eggs and cream cheese in it which should be fine unless you're a vegan...?

(My colleague told me that I should have said "Of Horse!"- an homage to last year's horse meat  scandal found in beef in most UK supermarket products)

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Following the sun

Despite the reassurance from next week's weather forecast that there will be some sunshine on the way,

it's hard not to feel dampened by the fact that summer is pretty much on its way out. Sandals, shorts and skirts have long been packed away, and curtains are now drawn latest by 7.45pm. 

I once had a conversation with a dear friend who told me that she could not imagine living in a country without seasons. The changing seasons, for her, symbolised the natural changes that would take place in her life too. This was amusing to me, the girl who lived the first 20 years of her life knowing only the tropical climate, where natural changes come in the form of rain or sun. How can one resist a year-long summer, where the sun shines so often that your mood does not become dependent on the colour of the sky? 

But the more this conversation replayed itself, the more sense it made.

Autumn has always been a datum point for resolutions-- it signifies the fresh start after a long period of enjoyment and rest. Just as I am about to exhaust myself and give up a few months after that, the dark, bitter cold lit by blinking lights will remind me that christmas is near, and my heart will be warmed by the thoughts of cosy nights and the festive ambience that will cover the city. As soon as 21st December passes, I know that the winter is halfway through and the days will now get longer. Spring, with its temperamental transition between the cold and the warmth, and the sudden appearance of gaudy flowers and birds, refreshes the cold and tired soul and becomes a reminder that brighter days are  ahead. And summer..summer is when the spirit becomes so carefree that you have never felt so alive.

 Then I understood that every season brings with it a new environment, a new setting, new resolutions, new hopes and new goals to look forward to. It makes the passing year more bearable knowing that a fresh start is within reach after every couple of months, and that there will be four datum points in a year where life will flourish in all kinds of directions depending on where the season takes you. 

I have my dear friend to thank, for now I feel more at ease to welcome the upcoming autumn.

Summertime

When you have quite a number of free days in the week it's easy to get sucked in to a sluggish type of lifestyle. You sleep all day, vegetate in front of the TV and get depressed and bored after realising how your day was spent, and the cycle repeats day in-day out because your mind is just too sluggish to work properly. (un)luckily for me, the many days I spent without leaving the house during my resubmission made me realise how pathetic (and claustrophobic) life can get without fresh air or human contact. So I've been trying to keep myself occupied, doing at least one productive thing a day that would make me enjoy and appreciate my holidays more:

1. Meeting up and reconnecting with friends. 

Whether it's just a chat over coffee, dinner, or a full on day out in London, 

being in the company of friends is one of the most uplifting things to do in your day. There's nothing like catching up over lost time, reminiscing over the past or even just rambling about current worries, future ambitions, or the weather.

2. Simple me-times. 

It's not often that I get off work with the sun still shining, but when I do I make the most of it by heading straight to the beach for a stroll or even just to sit, people watch and enjoy the sunset with two scoops of rum and raisin ice cream until the sun goes down. 

3. Star-gazing at the beach.

We saw not one, but three shooting stars that night. 

4. An inspiring read: Nadia Comaneci's autobiography.

Easily one of the most inspiring books. It doesn't focus too much on Nadia's perfect ten gymnastics career, but rather the other side of things that not many knew: living under a harsh communist regime,

her experience of defecting to the United States (Nobody would ever guess that an Olympic medallist would be running in the snow, climbing over barbed wires and crossing Romanian-Hungary border fearing for her life that she would be shot by the secret police). Despite all her hardships,
Nadia never gave up.

5.My favourite quote from the book, out of many:

"Hard work will always get you somewhere.If you have a little talent and work very hard, then you have a shot at being a big winner. 

And if you have a lucky star in your hands,you may just accomplish your goals. 

Above all else, you have to be hungry to do something unbelievable."

6. Being inspired by other people's art.

I've been meaning to change the canvas painting I have hanging above my work space. 

Pinterest is amazing for all sorts of inspiration-- The pattern is something that I would probably try to recreate for my little canvas art.

7-8. An artsy day at London: A visit to Sou Foujimoto's Serpentine Pavilion.

Like most, if not all, Japanese works of art, it really is beautiful in a very simplistic way.

For someone with terrible height phobia, I didn't even notice that I was climbing up this pavilion, stepping on see through constructive glass. I too busy being in awe of the pavilion. The only worry was for kids who found it the perfect jungle gym and started climbing onto higher bars that were not meant to be climbed on :P

9.Home-time.

I have been spending a lot of time deep cleaning the flat- something I do once a year when my housemate moves out. It took me 8 hours this time, to thoroughly clean every nook and cranny of the flat and to get rid of clutter. There's still a tiny bit left to be done, but my flat is 95% fresher, cleaner, and homier! Also made my first lasagne. It was more of Popeye's food with farm-fulls of spinach rather than mince because I still cannot be bothered to deal with raw, bloody things. Nevertheless it turned out pretty good! 

Cultural differences

Lunch break rambles with my English colleague:

"You know I think it's an Asian thing, but whenever a relative or somebody hasn't seen you in forever, the very first thing they say when they do is 'Oh hi! Wow you're fatter/thinner/bigger/smaller already!' And you'll be like, well hello to you too."

"See here that's what everybody thinks, but nobody dares to say!"

On the mend

Hello, hello.

This space has been regrettably abandoned yet again. 

Since my last post, my summer plans took a bit of an unexpected turn as I found myself spending three weeks back home some 7000 miles away, and another five locked in my current home in Brighton rushing to meet my resubmission deadline. 

Needless to say, today is the first day after a long time that I have completely to myself- no projects, worries or weekend work to think about. I should really have been out and about celebrating my freedom, but I think I made the right decision to have a pyjama day and sleep off my broken mental and physical state instead :)

With all but a month left to my summer holidays, 

there will be sadly some limitations to my original plans, especially travel wise. 

But I'm determined to make the most of it, and hopefully by tomorrow I will be rejuvenated enough to be out and about looking for new things to discover.

Right now, 

I'm happy just to have the simple pleasure of vegetating under my comfy duvet.

Summer hopes

 The sudden deaths of my dear friend's father and my college friend in the past month have been bitter reminders that we are not as invincible as we make ourselves to be. When life gets in the way, it is so easy to assume that the people you talk to everyday are still going to be there to talk to you tomorrow. 

This will not be a post about sadness and sorrows, but one that will remind me to live passionately. 

To date, I have more than three months of summer holidays ahead of me: Time that could easily be spent just brooding around aimlessly at home. But given the recent incidents and the likelihood that this may be my last summer in the UK, I am determined to make it fulfilling and memorable. 

In the previous summer(s) I carried out Project Happiness as a day to day reminder of the little things that can make a difference to my life. This summer I plan to do the same, but perhaps added with something new and/or productive that I've done for the day. The reason for this is that I tend to shy away and resist change, because I always associate it to something shocking and negative. Hence, I constantly find myself attached to mundane, safe and cyclical routines, which I do end up regretting afterwards. If I can do something different for a day, no matter how subtle from my usual routine, then collectively by the end of September I would achieve plenty of new things that I could tick off the bucket list!


So. Here goes:

I usually get tulips whenever I get flowers for the flat, but Sainsburys ran out of decent, lively-looking ones when I was there last. Opted for these gaudy roses instead, and today they are in full bloom and  my room smells divine. Fresh, happy looking flowers make such a difference in perking up a room.


Yesterday I did a thorough clearing of my wardrobe. It doesn't sound like much, but I've been putting this off for possibly a year now. I guess it was just easier for me to accept the pile of mismatched fabric on the closet floor than deal with an explosion of clothes all over my room.

I've made a discovery that I need to stop buying black clothes because I have an entire drawer full of it. I've also discovered that I actually do own a raincoat, after five years of going to battle with umbrellas that don't stand a chance against Brighton's atrocious winds. While sifting through more stuff, I found a few items that belonged to someone who was very dear to me. I had kept it there for three years in attempts to preserve whatever sentimental value that I could desperately hold on to. After moments of reminiscing I packed it away with the other unwanted clothes to give away, knowing that the particular chapter in my life has closed and I have since moved on just fine. Who knew, clearing out the closet could be so therapeutic after all. :)

I'm so happy that I can finally close my closet doors properly.

Done

Free as a bird.

almost.

After being sleep deprived for weeks and completely sleepless for the last stretch of two days before hand in, my body was about to give up on itself. I had no proper food sans for chocolates and cereal to keep me alive, (there was just zero time to think about cooking food or doing anything else other than completing my portfolio), and my heart just kept fluttering like a dying moth out of anxiety and taurine overdose from the cans of monster that i've been drowning my sorrows in.

So you can imagine when I handed in and went home, I passed out for thirteen hours straight on my bed much to the bemusement of my housemate who tried to guess the time I would wake up from my 'nap'. I missed all hand-in celebrations and the staff party at the beach, and was bombarded with miscalls and messages from people who were worried that I might have been chewed up and regurgitated by the printer at uni. 

This is the sad and classic case of architecture students who put their work before their life. 

Yet, all in all I am happy and proud that amidst the madness I managed to stay miraculously sane and calm and just drew like my life depended on it up to the end. Even when the printer at uni was hating me and not spitting out my prints an hour before the deadline, I surprisingly did not crumple up into a mess or shout at anyone despite being so worked up and tense from being awake for far too long.

Can't say I'm proud of the outcome of my work though, which is a shame because I thought I was doing somewhat alright throughout the year... until the last three weeks prior to hand in when everything just fell like a boulder from the sky onto my head. But.. what's done is done and I have put as much effort as I could into my work. 

If i get through with this project, I will be over the moon but if not, hey-ho.

I've fallen before and picked myself up again, so I don't see why I, or anyone else can't do the same. :)

Today is day 2 of my freedom, and I am still recuperating by being the ultimate slug and pig. 

There is an odd sense of loss and confusion, probably due to the sudden freedom after long term stress build up. For now I'm not fussed or worried, as I'm going to allow myself to sloth away until i get bored (which won't take too long), and then start my plans for the summer time. 

mini hiatus

I've got three weeks to pull my socks up and get this shizzle under control.

I can do this.

May angels lead you in

Dearest Kem,

It's been so many years since our college days in INTEC. 

We have all carried on with our lives since then, only to come across rare moments on Facebook when we would cross paths. Sometimes, when I'm lucky to be reunited with some of our college friends, we would reminisce about the past, and wondered what everyone was doing with their lives. 

You were one of the few who would crack us up when we were struggling to keep awake in class. There was so much life in your personality. I remember sitting in front of you, and constantly turning to the back to have a little chatter about everything under the sun, from further math problems to celebrity gossip. Funny enough, I have a memory of you nodding off during our English presentation from where I was standing.

You were one of the first few that I warmed up to during my difficult time of adjustment. 

I can still hear your comical voice.

 Perhaps more vivid today that I've learnt about your passing. 

Rest in peace Kem.

May angels look after you where you are now.

Perspective

The Brighton Marathon took place yesterday while I was at work and honestly it was by far one of the worst shifts I've ever done. Crowds were just streaming into the restaurant non stop and at one point I just felt terribly claustrophobic and agoraphobic all at once. It was finally beautiful and warm outside but inside the stuffy and crowded premise we just started getting terribly exhausted and snappy from the heat. Tension was flying everywhere: in the kitchen, amongst us waitresses, between us and the customers... 

I don't know how the other girls managed to last until closing time but having woken up at 6.30am to get to work by 9 due to suspended bus services and road closures, I couldn't be happier to get out of there at 7pm. Blame the marathon, I thought. For all this chaos. 

Then today the Boston Marathon made unfortunate headlines with three blasts that killed two people and injured countless of runners at the finish line. Runners who took part to raise funds for charity, and spectators who were out there to support them. Suddenly all my frustration from yesterday shrank into the smallest, pettiest thing in the world. Chaos? Amidst the sea of people that made me want to pull all my hair out, I was at least safe amongst enthusiasts who were just out there to enjoy the day. The 10,000 runners made it to the finish line with nothing more than just bad cramps as the worst case scenario. 

It's sad that by human nature we don't realise the magnitude of life's luxuries until we lose it.

It's also sad that sometimes we only see things in perspective out of other people's expense. 

This will be a reminder for me to count my blessings and push aside the smaller issues in life.

My heart goes out to those affected by the Boston marathon. 

One more hurdle left!

Printed and bound :)

Finished cover sleeve for my thesis this year! 

Overall I'm pretty happy with what I've done. :) Mostly because I've managed to put this together with ample time to go before the hand in-- something that HARDLY ever happens to me due to my topsy turvy schedule coupled with the inability to work quickly unless I'm under pressure! Usually I'm still typing out the last sentence or throwing abuse at my printer at 7am with bloodshot eyes and shaky coffee-fuelled hands (Hand in is at 11am, mind you ;) )

So one hurdle down, one more to go. Whether someone else is going to understand my writing, that's another story!

Little things that spark humongous joy

1. I've finally written up my thesis!

I actually had quite a bit of fun with this despite the usual stints of boredom in between when my brain fried up for the day. It's all about architecture manipulating the human psychology and behaviour into excessively spending more in casinos, theme parks and malls, etc. There's also a bit about how it (unsuccessfully) deters crime but that gets a bit more solemn in comparison to the part about Disney World ;)

Now I just have the fun bits to do: 

Formatting it into a handy novel-sized book with a personally designed cover sleeve! 

It'll be up on my blog once its publish-worthy.

2. No.1 means I only have one major module left for term 3. 

Lots of catching up to do but it's definitely easier without the baggage of 10 million things on the sidelines! 6 weeks and then it's summer time!

3.It's finally 8 degrees AND sunny. 

The temperature is really nothing to be overjoyed about but it's been under 5 degrees for the longest time-- ridiculous for Spring standards. so anything above that gets a smile from me!

old cow

I am getting so bad at updating these days but life is really just constantly evolving around the chaos of architecture all-nighters and catching up with falling behind, or the chaos of weekend work which gets more exhausting each day as the place picks up. 

This up and down cycle has exhausted the life out of me and I can't be more thankful to be on a three week Easter break now even though it will basically be spent catching up on my fallen-behind work!

These days I feel hesitant to fall asleep because I feel like days are disappearing in the blink of an eye and suddenly I'm telling people that I've been in the UK for nearly 5 years. 5 years! 

I have definitely aged a good deal because I feel the universe on my shoulders a little bit more now.

I feel it when I look in the mirror and see developing lines on my right temple (maybe I raise my eyebrows like the Rock too much), when I start falling asleep helplessly at 9pm on the couch, when I have to take my granny naps every now and then and rely on double doses of caffeine to survive,  when it takes more time to bounce back from exhausting days, when I feel repulsed by the thought of clubbing and drinking or even bothering to get out of the house after dark because it's cold, when all I want to do is spend my day curled up on the couch or have coffee with friends, and when I feel all these pains and aches that are starting to appear as if to say "age is catching up!"

Jeezes listen to me it's as though I'm mentally 40 years old.

Think I need to go on a holiday to remember how to live and be young again!

Pray for Peace

In light of the troubles in Sabah there have been murmurs 

about the possibility of civil war and state of emergency. 

The last time violence happened in Sabah was in 1986, when riots broke out in KK due to political conflict during Tun Mustapha's time. My dad used to tell me how he had to pick my brother up early from kindergarten because violence had started in the city-- fish bombs detonated in parts of KK, cars were set alight. Five people died and curfew had to be instilled. No one was allowed to go out after a certain time in the evening or risk getting shot by the army. 

For all the years of my life that I have lived in Sabah,

 I've known it to be the most placid place on earth. 

Background, race, ethnicity and religion, nobody cares in what category you fall under.

All everybody wants to do is get together around food and talk and enjoy life until the sun goes down. 

Some say that being this placid has its own drawbacks: we become so placid that we don't voice our rights and views strong enough for people to take notice.

Reading about concerns over Sabah's future,

I can't help but have this terrible fear for the safety of my family and friends back home. 

Will there be violence again, like there was in 1986?

Are we going to live in fear for the rest of our lives knowing that extremists in the Philippines are already staging a plan to get back at us for the bloodshed? What happens if the issue gets taken to World Court? The war has already begun and lives have already been lost on both sides. 

This issue will not be laid to rest so easily or peacefully for sure.

Please let there be peace for our beautiful Land below the Wind.

Workaholic

Called in sick this morning after 4 days of being down with the stomach flu. 

Apparently Norovirus and winter stomach bugs are rampant out there and I am unfortunately just someone who is too susceptible to these things.

Fortunately I don't feel as bad as I did a few days ago (really bad) but my stomach still seems unsure of how it feels, so I thought I'd better not risk it since I'm  dealing with food and people and stomach flu just doesn't quite fit in the group. 

It's a rare situation that I ever get my Saturdays free since I've been working every weekend for the last three years, and I thought hey might be a bit productive today with uni stuff!

Time that I finally rolled out of bed to shower: 12.30

This hasn't happened since I was home in the summer.

Time that I finally fed myself: 3.30pm

The most productive thing I've done as of 5.22pm: 

stab a pin on my nails to make polka dots.

Now I remember why I work every Saturday and Sundays-- 

because I'd just sit around and do nothing otherwise!

Lent

Last year I decided to give up Doritos for Lent and it was pretty successful..

During the Berlin trip my comrades have unfortunately picked up my chronic dependency on coffee and told me to wean myself off it or at least reduce 1 teaspoon from the daily pile of coffee grounds that I put into my system. 

I thought long and hard about it...

 and decided that I am in no way going to be able to function or get through this course if I give up something that has been keeping me upright in the past 4 years.

Cold turkey detox can wait until I pass my masters.

However, I decided to compromise and give up a closely related vice..

                                                             

Energy drinks, or what my friends call, "Kim fuel" -_-

Recently this has become my pick me up especially after work when I had to go home and continue with school work. (I know, as if injecting myself with coffee isn't enough already.) 

If I'm brave enough I might even try to reduce the amount of coffee I drink. 

But for now, it's one at a time for other caffeine sources.

Wish me luck!